Reader's beware! Deep post ahead. :)
Every so often in my life, I find that there is a path I am on, and that everything that happens to me is leading me to that point. The last time this happened was my track to signing my contract with Michael Miller. The wonderful company I have grown to love. :) It was meant to be, they have been wonderful to me and my family. Everything in the prior 8 months to my signing on with them was pushing me in that direction, I have no doubt of it. Why? I'm not sure yet. Fabric design is not a world changing, life saving practice. I have even had fears of something tragic in our future that would be made easier with the extra income. (I am a dramatic at heart.) Hopefully, it is just that I will be able to use this vehicle to touch other women who were in the same position as me. Trying to help their family and sooth their creative side with a home based sewing business. I hope this blog and my efforts bring a little bit of happiness and inspiration to some of the women out there. Being a mother is the most important calling and job one will ever have.
I have been going through another one of these phases over the last week. A smaller journey, but infinitely more important. Every action that I have seemed to run into this last week has further embodied in me that my main priorities are my children and family. It always has been this, but I think I've been a little sidetracked lately.
I also feel I've hidden who I truly am to you all. There are things that are so deep to me and such a huge part of my life that I never talk about on here. Why? Because I didn't want to offend anyone or have intimate parts of my life be used against me or my loved ones. How silly is that? How selfish is that? I haven't placed any trust in you and I'm sorry. I will try to be better at really letting out what I'm feeling and thinking and truly share myself with you. I often read Denise's blog and just marvel out how willing she is to put herself out to the world, how she is letting everyone join in on one of the biggest journey's in life. Her journey through infertility and now on towards adoption. Every post she writes is an intimate glimpse into her soul. I know we are completely different people, and I love having the little glimpse into her world. It makes me happy.
So my latest little journey has reached it's destination. I feel refreshed and happy. I long to give my little girl pigtails every day, give my son a thick lathering of lotion every day because his poor little legs are so so dry and kiss my husband every day when he comes home. It's insane what an amazing husband I ended up with, I do not talk about him enough on here. He keeps me going and never questions or raises an eyebrow when I cook up a new wild idea. He supports me unconditionally.
We are a very religious family. I've never talked much about that, but our entire lives are woven into our religion. Why have I not spoken of it a lot? I didn't want anyone to ever feel I was using this blog as a vehicle to talk about religion or to "push" my religion onto others. But by not talking about it, I am leaving out the most important part of my life along with my family. The leader of our church, Gordon B. Hinckley passed away last night. I'm not sad, not sad at all. :) He lived an incredibly full life, and if I die having given a fraction as much service to others as he did, my life will have been an immense success. Of all the wonderful things I have ever heard him say, my favorites were always the times he would speak of women. Of how important and special they are. He counseled husband's to consider their wives their equals. Oh the sweet way he spoke of his own wife!
So I am feeling refreshed! Ready to keep going, excited for all that 2008 holds. New fabrics and patterns, but most importantly, new and happy times with my family. Eliza starts ballet lessons tomorrow! She is beside herself. Ethan is starting potty training and is not quite so thrilled. I'm looking forward to a deeper relationship with my bloggy buddies! I'm paving a new road for myself and your constant input and encouragement means more to me than I can say.