You have caught me in a moment. "A moment you say?" Yes, a moment. A moment of tenderness and openness that I don't give into very often on my blog. I love writing here, but keep the super personal stuff, well personal. But today it feels right. How can you inspire and uplift one another if you don't share?
This last year has been.. hard. I have not felt the strength to go into before, but I have spent the better part of this last year receiving treatment for, and recovering from a life threatening disease that found its sneaky way into my life. I am not ready to go into specific details, and might not ever, as it has been an enormous personal trial that has rocked me to my core. Before everyone jumps to conclusions and worries without need, know that you are reading this at the end of the story. I am in very good health now. I do feel the need to acknoweldge it here however. My family and friends have rallied around me and been beyond helpfull and supportive. We moved in with Dustins family as my world was falling apart and have been here for 10 months. This Friday, we will move out, into a little home of our own in the country on the outskirts of town. There is a creek that flows through the backyard, a little barn, a huge area for a garden. Just the right amount of space for my little family, nothing more.. nothing less.
It is much more than a move to me, it is a tangible sign of life continuing, that I am still here.. that I am ok. I have had to let my idea of the way "life should be" fall this year. Let things that seemed all encompassing and important go unfinished. Had to let a lot go unfinished, which drove me to the edge of insanity at the time, which I now see as the making of me.
I believe that everyone has a few specific choices and events that make a huge impact on your life. This year has been both. First, the realization that I married the right man. If I never make a good decision from this day forward, I know I got the most important one right. He has given me my little family, which has been my rock and anchor throughout this last year..
I am ready for this change in our lives.. we are ALL ready for this change! We haven't slept in our own beds, eaten off our own dishes or walked around naked in the house (TMI?) in almost a year. We didn't have our own Christmas tree, thanksgiving turkey or a family garden. We did also realize that those things are just the icing on the cake of life, and not the cake itself, but we are excited to get back to having that frosting available ya know what I mean. :)
In November I am going on a girls trip with my mom to Hawaii. (!!!) Earlier this year, I thought there was a very good chance I would never end up seeing it.. I can't wait! I am going to feel the sun on my face, stand under a waterfall and sit on a beach and paint for a week. And eat fish and creme brulee every night. Yeah.
So right now, I am packing up our belongings that we needed for the last year of life. It's awfully surprising what you really can live without for a year, when you give yourself the opportunity to try it.
So please know that life is good, can be short, and throws you the hardest thing that you can possibly bear. It is worth it however, and hold close to the people that love you, as they are truly the best medicine when nothing else works. :)
Love to you all.. thank you for reading. I can't wait to share our new home with you next week!