You have caught me in a moment. "A moment you say?" Yes, a moment. A moment of tenderness and openness that I don't give into very often on my blog. I love writing here, but keep the super personal stuff, well personal. But today it feels right. How can you inspire and uplift one another if you don't share?
This last year has been.. hard. I have not felt the strength to go into before, but I have spent the better part of this last year receiving treatment for, and recovering from a life threatening disease that found its sneaky way into my life. I am not ready to go into specific details, and might not ever, as it has been an enormous personal trial that has rocked me to my core. Before everyone jumps to conclusions and worries without need, know that you are reading this at the end of the story. I am in very good health now. I do feel the need to acknoweldge it here however. My family and friends have rallied around me and been beyond helpfull and supportive. We moved in with Dustins family as my world was falling apart and have been here for 10 months. This Friday, we will move out, into a little home of our own in the country on the outskirts of town. There is a creek that flows through the backyard, a little barn, a huge area for a garden. Just the right amount of space for my little family, nothing more.. nothing less.
It is much more than a move to me, it is a tangible sign of life continuing, that I am still here.. that I am ok. I have had to let my idea of the way "life should be" fall this year. Let things that seemed all encompassing and important go unfinished. Had to let a lot go unfinished, which drove me to the edge of insanity at the time, which I now see as the making of me.
I believe that everyone has a few specific choices and events that make a huge impact on your life. This year has been both. First, the realization that I married the right man. If I never make a good decision from this day forward, I know I got the most important one right. He has given me my little family, which has been my rock and anchor throughout this last year..
I am ready for this change in our lives.. we are ALL ready for this change! We haven't slept in our own beds, eaten off our own dishes or walked around naked in the house (TMI?) in almost a year. We didn't have our own Christmas tree, thanksgiving turkey or a family garden. We did also realize that those things are just the icing on the cake of life, and not the cake itself, but we are excited to get back to having that frosting available ya know what I mean. :)
In November I am going on a girls trip with my mom to Hawaii. (!!!) Earlier this year, I thought there was a very good chance I would never end up seeing it.. I can't wait! I am going to feel the sun on my face, stand under a waterfall and sit on a beach and paint for a week. And eat fish and creme brulee every night. Yeah.
So right now, I am packing up our belongings that we needed for the last year of life. It's awfully surprising what you really can live without for a year, when you give yourself the opportunity to try it.
So please know that life is good, can be short, and throws you the hardest thing that you can possibly bear. It is worth it however, and hold close to the people that love you, as they are truly the best medicine when nothing else works. :)
Love to you all.. thank you for reading. I can't wait to share our new home with you next week!
xo
Sandi
Best wishes for the new adventure ahead! So glad you have made it through this rough year feeling supported and loved. (((hugs)))
Posted by: Lisa | September 12, 2012 at 01:51 PM
Oh Sandi, I wish I could give you a hug. First, because I'm glad you're going to be okay. Second, for sharing that you've had a tough year. We've had a couple of painful years and I'm not quite ready to talk about it but I'm getting closer.
I hope you'll continue to mend and we can meet up in Portland this May and be thankful together for all the little "icings on the cake" we've learned to love now more than ever.
Posted by: Jona | September 12, 2012 at 01:59 PM
So glad you posted and I read it. Stay strong and enjoy your little family and the move. As you said, life is short and uncertain.
Posted by: Paula | September 12, 2012 at 02:06 PM
This is a beautiful post, it brought me to tears. I had a year like that nearly ten years ago now and I am still here. Love is what keeps us going. Wishing you continued health...I am so happy you are well again x
Posted by: Jane | September 12, 2012 at 02:10 PM
I just want to send you a great big hug. You sound like you've been through a really rough time, but your post oozes hope and love which is obviously the 2 things you have used to draw your strength. I hope you are well on the mend as this world needs your beautiful work and the beautiful you that you are.
Posted by: Sew Create It - Jane | September 12, 2012 at 02:18 PM
Be assured of my my prayers as you step forward into a future you weren't sure would be yours. I've been in that spot. I know those tender, tentative steps into tomorrow. Be well. You so bless us!
Posted by: Elizabeth Foss | September 12, 2012 at 03:05 PM
Gracious Sandi! Sounds like a heck of a year. So glad that you're on this side of it all. Will be thinking of you and looking forward to glimpses of your new homestead.
Posted by: Dana | September 12, 2012 at 03:52 PM
Know that you are not alone in your thoughts, plans, future and life itself. I usually say "life happens" and go with the flow as you don't have a choice anyway. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers for a future filled with happy memories. Enjoy them all and we will enjoy hearing all about them with you.
Posted by: Mah Quilter | September 12, 2012 at 03:53 PM
how courageous you have been. this post reminded me that we all have struggles, some larger than others. thanks for helping me put mine in perspective. it is so good to hear you are at the end of this road and at the beginning of the next. enjoy hawaii!!! i have been twice as both of my sons have been stationed there and it is fabulous!!!!!!! if you see one of those food vans on the side of the road. stop!! the most amazing food ever. enjoy this adventure we call life.
cindi
Posted by: cindi | September 12, 2012 at 03:54 PM
Good luck on your journey and may God Bless.
Posted by: Patty | September 12, 2012 at 03:56 PM
I'm sorry to read that you have been unwell and had such a difficult year, and thankfully you are on the other side of it now. Wishing you a wonderful life in your new home :-)
Posted by: Angela | September 12, 2012 at 04:09 PM
May God continue to heal, bless and nourish you and your family with love and health! thinking of you and praying, xoxoAnna
Posted by: anna maria | September 12, 2012 at 04:15 PM
Love you!
Posted by: Jessica | September 12, 2012 at 04:32 PM
All the best to you as you begin a new journey. You look gorgeous and healthy! May God bless you and your family.
Posted by: Cindy | September 12, 2012 at 04:33 PM
Sandi I had no idea. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better. Prayers and well wishes for and your family. You deserve a trip to Hawaii! It's heavenly there.
xo
Posted by: Chelsea Andersen | September 12, 2012 at 04:59 PM
it sounds like this trial has strengthened you and made you and even better more amazing person! I wish you and your family all the best and hope that your zest for life and all the little details that make it wonderful continue for a really long time!!
Posted by: heather in arizona | September 12, 2012 at 05:00 PM
All the best to you and your family as you collect yourselves up for the icing that awaits! Savor.....
Posted by: Jan | September 12, 2012 at 05:03 PM
I'm sending the HUGEST of virtual hugs, Sandi!!! It takes an emense amount of courage to face any serious medical issue. Tears came to my eyes reading this, not only for your struggle, but also for the new future in front of your sweet family. I'm wishing you refreshing days, special moments between your intimate little family, and, above all, laugh-out-loud memories that only your circle shares in your new home!
Posted by: Lisa | September 12, 2012 at 06:25 PM
Happy for you and your family! Enjoy the next chapter in your life and so glad things are better for you :O)
Posted by: Lisa | September 12, 2012 at 06:51 PM
Such an emotional, beautiful and inspirational tribute to life. Oh Sandi, you are an amazing person- soft, delicate and strong as steel! How fortunate to be surrounded by such love and support. I wish you and yours a wonderful new journey. Thank you for sharing. And my gosh, a creek, a barn and a garden space? You'll have a lot of gorgeousness to paint at home too....can't wait to see.
Posted by: angel | September 12, 2012 at 07:36 PM
Good luck on your journey and may God Bless.
Posted by: peliculas | September 12, 2012 at 09:45 PM
I am so happy for where you are now, and so happy that you get to move and start over again with all the frosting! You are incredible Sandi, and truly an inspiration to have fought so hard. Looking forward to seeing your new place! xo!
Posted by: Liesel | September 13, 2012 at 12:01 AM
I am sure there is so much more to fill in all the spaces and much more yet to be unfolded as you start on your new adventure. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You didn't have to, nothing in the blog world would have changed, but by sharing you did change it. Sharing from the heart leaves impressions! Thank you for sharing the beauty and wisdom of your past year. I love your analogy of the icing on the cake!
Posted by: Annie | September 13, 2012 at 04:51 AM
tissue alert! such a sweet reminder to all of us to cherish the moments that matter. well wishes for you.
Posted by: Beth | September 13, 2012 at 06:17 AM
Best wishes on your move. Life has a way of knocking us to our knees but I have found that is when I truly understand who I am and what I can be. I am so thankful you are healthy now and may this move be a beginning of a life filled with joy, hope, peace and health.
Posted by: Pam Fields | September 13, 2012 at 07:36 AM